The Tentra Totem – A Rx for Living

The key to getting over a case of the blues is to get out of my head. I mean, I have to literally take steps to stop THINKING! About me, about my troubles, about my blues. It’s not ALL about me!! One of the best lines from the baseball movie Bull Durham is when Kevin Costner says to Tim Robbins “Don’t think ‘meat’, you just hurt the team.” Not so easy to do, but when the student is willing, the teacher arrives!

 

Over the weekend, I came across one of those chain emails (the ones where you almost reflexively hit delete!) that I read and then copied/saved, thinking at the time I suppose, that it might come in handy some day. Re-reading it yesterday, it seemed more like a “bucket list” for everyday living. And then it hit me! I can follow the suggestions on this list as kind of an antibiotic for the blues! So…it is my intent to follow this “Rx” for the next 30 days, as a gentle reminder of how much abundance I currently enjoy and practice some good, old fashioned gratitude! I’ll keep you posted on my progress!

This Tentra Totem has arrived from India and was sent to you for good fortune. It has already circled the world 10 times. Whether you believe in superstitions or not, devote a few minutes to read the Tentra, good fortune will reach you within four days from receiving the Tentra. Share the link to this post to whomever you think is in need of good fortune.

• Eat plenty of whole rice.
• Give people more than they expect and do this willfully.
• Learn by heart your favorite song.
• Don’t believe anything you hear and do not sleep as much as you would like to.
• When you say “I love you,” say it truthfully.
• When you say “I’m sorry,” say it with eye contact.
• An engagement period of six months is crucial before marriage.
• Believe in love at first sight.
• Never mock other’s dreams.
• Love deeply and passionately. You may get hurt, but this is the only way to live life at its fullest.
• Deal with discontentment, fight fairly, but do not offend.
• Do not judge others because of their relatives.
• Talk slow, think fast.
• When someone asks you a question you do not want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”
• Remember that the greatest love and the greatest success also hold many risks.
• Bless a person who has just sneezed.
• When you lose, do not lose the lesson.
• Remember: respect for yourself, respect for others, and respect for your actions.
• Do not allow a small disagreement to hurt a great friendship.
• When you notice that you have made a mistake, take the appropriate steps to correct it.
• Smile when you answer the phone. Those who call can “hear” your smile.
• Marry (or be with) the person you love talking to the most. When you get old, conversation will be more important than anything else.
• Spend some time alone.
• Accept change with open arms; yet do not give up your values.
• Remember that sometimes, silence is the best answer.
• Read more books and watch television less.
• Live a good, honorable life. Later, when you grow old and remember the past, you will enjoy it once more.
• Believe and trust God, whomever/whatever you conceive God to be, but securely lock your car.
• An atmosphere of love at your home is most important. Do all that you can to create a calm home full of love.
• Do not bring back the past.
• Read in between the lines.
• Share your knowledge. It is the way to live forever.
• Be gentle with our planet Earth.
• Pray. Prayer has incredible power.
• Never interrupt someone who flatters you.
• Take care of your problems.
• Do not trust a man or woman who does not close their eyes when you kiss them.
• Once a year, visit a place you have never seen before.
• If you make a lot of money, channel it so as to help others while you are alive. This is the greatest satisfaction a treasure can reward you.
• Remember that sometimes, not getting what you want is very lucky.
• Learn all the rules and then break some.
• Remember that the greatest relationships are the ones in which the love between two people is greater than the need one has of the other.
• Judge your success in light of what you had to give up to obtain it.
• Relate to love and to the kitchen completely. (All the reason you need to see the movie Julie and Julia!)

 

I hope you enjoy and are inspired!

An ALS diagnosis is not a license to be a jerk.

 

The most dramatic instance I remember followed a terrifying day for Bill, where he had ventured out to get a haircut and everything that could possibly go wrong…had.  Neither of us slept well and the following day, I couldn’t do anything right as I got both of us ready for a round of errands and appointments.  By the time we reached Dr. Batterson’s office, he’d had it and so had I!  I don’t even remember what I said, but he typed a blistering message into “talky” and hit the play button just as Sherry came out of her office to collect us.  By now she knew us pretty well and the look on her face said everything!  Through my tears, I kissed his head and told him I thought it would be best for him to have the session with Sherry to himself.  She was infinitely more direct and pointed to her office – the same way a parent points a child into “time out”. 

 

55 mintues later, a very contrite Bill emerged from his session, re-centered and with a completely new message on “talky”.  When I asked about the turn-around, they both demurred and said that
“ALS is not a license to be a jerk”.  Physician/Patient confidentialty prevents me from ever knowing the content of that session, but I can tell you with certainty, that mental health care saved a marriage and likely saved me from a prison sentence!!

 

Early on, when Bill fell, my initial reaction was fear and I would yell at him – “didn’t he know that (x) would cause him to fall? What in the world was he thinking?!”  I am embarassed to say that my behavior bordered on shrewish.  He finally had the courage to say to me – after he’d fallen and cracked the tile soap dish with his head (it’s a great story!) – “I didn’t start out to fall, it’s not my intention to scare you, but you can’t just start out by yelling at me!”

So the bottom line is this:  Treat each other with care. This is an incredibly scary and difficult time for both of you.  And most importantly….neither of you “caused” ALS to come into your lives. 

We both shed a lot of tears that evening, but I quickly adopted a personal rule and in spite of my terror, I didn’t approach him with anger. More than once, I’d laugh, sit down beside him, check for blood/broken parts, make a smartass comment about the situation (‘hmmm…lucky for us you’re in the advanced ballet class now!” or “3rd grade gymnastics has really come in handy”), take a breath and then ask if he had any thoughts on how to get him upright/safe again. He usually did…and we managed pretty well! I treasure those moments the most today…my eyeballs are leaking as I type.

In watching couples/families deal with ALS for almost 5 years now, including my own experience, I’ve decided that the disease magnifies (sometimes exponentially) what is good and bad in your relationships.   For the most part, I think we did really well.  In the months leading up to the diagnosis, one or the other of us would get cross and “let it fly” and we had a couple of really “hard” discussions during the course of the illness.   

Anti-depressants are truly God’s gift to us!

Get connected to a mental health professional…NOW! I was very fortunate. On his own, Bill applied to Kaiser mental health very soon after the diagnosis. We got a fabulous psychologist – Sherry Batterson – I still keep in touch! She was a safe place for him to vent about what he was losing and how he was feeling. She gave him very concrete ideas on what he could do to manage his circumstances. Toward the end, she saw us both, primarily because I literally became his voice. She did a great job keeping us straight and helping us focus on what mattered most. I can’t promise you a Sherry, but still strongly encourage both of you to find a psychologist.

Check with your PALS’ psychologist, primary care physician or clinic doc for a prescription for some type of anti-depressent. In my opinion…depression is a very normal part of ALS and the symptoms need to/can be managed. I believe that the docs from the ALS specialized clinics agree.

I would also strongly urge you to consider (and ASK for) them as well! I didn’t think I needed them, but my gynocologist (during a routine girlie checkup) prescribed them for me. I started taking a low dose (20mg) of Prozac about 6-8 weeks after we got the diagnosis, got up to 40 mg about 6 months in and then took myself off about 8 months after Bill died. The meds give you the “headroom” to to deal with everything that’s happening. I truly believe that the meds allowed me to keep my head and my sanity as we dealt with the freight-train pace of Bill’s progression. Just so you know…Prozac has a 6-8 week “ramp-up” time, so sooner is better than later!